Sorry for the doom and gloom of the last post but I had to get it up first. It is something I had been experiencing and working through lately and it is still applicable but I had already arrived at the conclusion of this post prior to writing the last post. It was a necessary precursor I’m afraid.
I have struggled with “living in two worlds” so to speak but I’m beginning to think that merging those two worlds isn’t unrealistic. Homesteading somewhere would provide me with the privacy, silence, and solitude that is conducive to introspection. Working with the land and providing our own food is an honest living as well. I have always said one of the reasons I wanted to do it was to revitalize an experienced dependance on God. So overall I think that is something achievable.
The obstacles as well are real. The debt exists, the convincing to some degree has to be done, and something has to be figured out with income. The job still sucks but I don’t think I necessarily hate what I do, I just hate who I do it for. It’s an ethical, moral issue I believe, and that can be addressed.
I was watching Alaska: The Last Frontier yesterday and for some reason I posed the question to myself, “What do you want to be?”. This time I found myself asking in a different light. It wasn’t “What do you want to be that will make you lots of money?” or “What skill do you want to specialize in so that you can have health insurance and be socially acceptable?”, it was simply “What in your heart do you want to do or be?”. The answer for me is that I want to be a homesteader. I want to be a sort of hybrid homesteader and modern mountain man.
This caused me to look at what I want to do differently as well. The difference was in looking at homesteading and self sufficiency as a way of life and seeing it as who I am. The latter view ingrains it in your being and allows you to become passionate about it. There is a merging with your identity that does not exist when a homestead is just where you live.
I want to be a homesteader and a woodsman because it is in my makeup, it is who I was meant to be, simple as that. I was meant to be a homesteader.
The simple life appeals to me, the old ways seem best even if they are slower and more strenuous.
So the rest are just problems to solve and homesteaders are crafty problem solvers.
I suppose the question that remains is how do I progress from here? There are big questions that are easy to answer such as buying land and home building and what-not but what about the baby step questions? To be honest, I don’t have the answer to those and risk spinning my wheels in frustration if I don’t find them.
One thing that I have done that I can see bearing fruit is to buy the domain indigenouspaths.com. As I said the old ways seem best to me. I want to document and practice the old ways of doing things by researching indigenous peoples, starting in North America. If I become proficient in this I can teach it once I have land. I also own offthegridwego.com and another domain with our name and homestead in the title, all of which can eventually be utilized. So there is site design and implementation and all that good stuff to get done there.
Outside of that I’m just not sure. I suppose it’s something I’ll have to give though to. Maybe it means revisiting the original starting point.
Perhaps this is more profound for me due to the fact that “Who am I?” and “What do I want to do when I grow up?” are questions I never felt that I had answered satisfactorily.
Anyhow, that is where things stand now. My ideal has been reduced to its essence.
I don’t know what it will mean for this blog and I’m sure that will upset all 3 of my readers 🙂 I imagine it will get incorporated in to one of my domains sooner or later, there is a lot of history here that I don’t know that I want to lose. I don’t know how valuable it is beyond sentiment though.
Stay tuned I suppose and perhaps there will be more to come.